These days . . .

These days are different. I was an organized person before, but, these days . . .

Nothing is ever finished! I feel like I’m never completely prepared to teach. One day I had all my papers graded—in all classes! But I kept thinking something was missing. It was! My preparation for my online class this semester! My students got online two days later, but I hadn’t!

My heart wants to invite guests to dinner; my body can’t get the house cleaned.

The house is a mess. It’s upside down and inside out. My spring cleaning isn’t done. (This is October!) I can’t walk in a straight line through my storage room. A path had to be plowed for the Direct TV installers. Tubs from the Modert house. Boxes from Mom and Dad’s. Clothing is piled. In the washer. In the dryer. Across the bed. I sort summer clothes. It adds one more tub. I file the funeral papers. It adds one more box to the collection.  

Furniture is dusty. Woodwork is dirty. Blinds are broken, light bulbs need replaced. Box elder bugs are invading.  

I forget to study for my weekly ladies' Bible study!

My heart wants to invite guests to dinner; my body can’t get the house cleaned.

I start a job but rarely get it completed before I’m forced to move on to another.

I can’t find my Bible or my devotional book. Oh, there it is. I open my Bible to remember what God has said to me this week:

On Monday, God told me that I need to continue to give to the Lord and let that gift be one of honor, not talking unbelief as I give it but rejoicing when I give it. He said, “If the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable . . .” (2 Cor. 8:12)

On Tuesday, God told me I can expect the glory of God’s presence because I’m “justified by faith,” so I have “peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ . . . [and] access by faith into grace . . .” Wow! I know He certainly has shown me His grace throughout the last eight months!

On Wednesday, God told me that I am not supposed to fear the enemy because I am “more than a conqueror through him that loves me.” (Romans 8:37)

Yesterday, God told me that I “. . . have this treasure  . . . that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of [me].” (2 Cor. 4:7) The devotional writer then reminded me that I “must have that ability to survive the pressure in these last days. You’ll need to be able to see Jesus within you just as clearly as you can see Him in the Word. You’ll have to know—not just with your brain, but with every fiber of your being—that He who is within you is greater than he that is in the world.” I ‘m sure the writer’s reference to the “last days” meant the last days before the Lord Jesus returns for us, but to me—during these days, the “last days” means the last days of my personal struggle, leading up to the November 19 court date—the culmination of eight months of turmoil and blessing, distress and joy, suffering and happiness, chaos and peace. During these days, I want to see Jesus within me and know that everything I need is within me because that’s where Jesus is. I want to experience the excellency of His power.

And today, God reminds me to hide His Word in my heart. (Psalm 119:11) I started hiding His Word in my heart when I was a young girl. At that time, it was easy to memorize God’s Word. I learned it to music–as a song. “Thy Word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against Thee.” These days, it’s more difficult to “hide it—to memorize it. These days, I need to read it often to keep it hidden in my heart. Today, the devotional writer reminded me to “make those faith deposits . . . to speak the Word day and night” because the words I speak “are either words of faith or words of doubt.”

The house is still a mess. The jobs are still undone. But these days, and with every fiber of my being, I need to hide and speak words of faith! So from that perspective, these days really are no different.

It's part of the journey

Throughout the last six months, I've shared feelings of grief.

You've read about it.

You've comforted.

You've understood.

Now, I know you'll understand how my journey is taking me down a new path -and how I'm learning that it's part of the journey to move on.
.

The yellow house on a dreary day

It's a dreary, rainy, late October morning. The sun is not shining. The trees are no longer covered with brilliant foliage. One might think I'd be depressed today, but I'm not. The same grace God has rained down upon me in the past is pouring upon me today. It's not a cold rain like I feel outside today; it's a warm, refreshing rain, and I'm basking in it.

As I prayed this morning, I looked across the yard at the yellow house, as I often do, and again I thanked God for the heritage bestowed upon me by my parents. But this time, no lump comes to my throat; no tears well in my eyes. Instead, I see a path ahead that that is bright and sunny, and as I step onto the path, the rain of grace that covers me is soothing and healing. I read (slightly paraphrased),

"My daughter, keep your father's commands and do not forsake your mother's teaching.

Bind them upon your heart forever; fasten them around your neck.

When you walk , they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you;

when you awake, they will speak to you.

For these commands are a lamp, this teaching is a light,

and the corrections of discipline are the way to life."

(Proverbs 6:20-23)

God leads me in a new path today. If you've been there, you'll understand. If you haven't, ask God for the grace to find it. The beautiful part of the journey is moving on.

 

 

 

I Don't Like It

Six and seven months have passed since I lost my parents. Many of you know how it is. Just when I think I'm moving on, something happens that moves me back one step. In the last week, I heard of the passing of several friends and acquaintances of my parents (and mine) - dear people their ages. Finality. Reality. I don't like it.

This week, I attended the funeral of my very close friend's father. The reality of it all brought more hurt. But God has given me comfort today:

"I thought I couldn't live without him, but now I know I can. That would make him proud."

(Oscar Schell, speaking about his father, in Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close - a powerful film with many inspirational messages imbedded in the story.)

The Old Soap Dish



The Old Soap Dish

It doesn’t look like much. And to most, it probably isn’t much. Just a soap dish, from K-Mart, one might assume. Probably purchased in the 50’s. Pink plastic with removable drainer. The gold trim of its crown nearly worn from years of scouring with Comet Cleanser. One might easily overlook the esteemed position it held through the years.

The soap dish held court at various locations in the old Victorian home—the big yellow house—as it sustained its royal status through the years the family lived there.

 

Court was held upstairs beside the claw foot bathtub. The woman scooped the white Ivory bar from the dish, scrubbing the children’s skinned knees and alfalfa-entangled hair before wrapping them in blanket-sized towels and carrying them one by one to the warmth of the oversized register to dry and dress in their flannel pajamas.

At times, court was held at the guest sink in the small half bath, which had been added many years prior, in the empty space under the stairway. The woman placed a new Dove bar (her favorite) in the clean soap dish, and the bar lasted a long time.

The years passed; the children left the big yellow house; and the soap dish with the Dove bar was replaced by liquid soap in a sterile, aloof, pump dispenser.

Court was then held in the back room of the old house, aside the jumbo cast iron sink and the old pitcher pump. LAVA soap filled the dish now, and the man used the LAVA bar several times a day, faithfully scrubbing his aging hands, ridding them of the evidences of hours of labor on his land. The soap dish was often covered with the dirty, dried bubbles of the resultant purification process. The woman used more Comet Cleanser, more often.

Again, years  passed; the old man and the old woman left the big yellow house; and the pink, plastic, old soap dish sat alone, empty, and covered with dried pumice, a simple, quiet remembrance of the old man, the old woman, and their family.

         The little girl, who had overlooked the pink, plastic soap dish many years before, and to whom the soap dish had once seemed silly and unimportant, suddenly recognized its royal position and gently cleaned it and placed it at a prominent place in her home, allowing the soap dish to once again hold court . In a time of fragranced, foaming, liquid soap choices, the soap dish now holds a plain, white bar of Kirk’s Castile and is regularly but delicately cleaned in an effort to maintain its royal position. It doesn’t look like much. And to most, it probably isn’t much. But to the little girl, it's another confirmation of her royal heritage.

Grief to Beauty

 

I went to the grave this morning to replace the once pink geraniums and withered vines with a mum plant, bursting with soft purple blossoms, one I knew Mama would have loved.  I hadn't been to the grave in weeks, an unusual break of custom for me, but after months of faithful visits, tending and watering the summer blooms, often crying, and always reminiscing, a persistent grief had encompassed me, a grief I had been trying to shake by avoiding the tradition. So on this crisp autumn morning, I faced grief in order to bring beauty. 

 

The little country cemetery was quiet. Sunshine flooded the diamonded dew. Wild turkeys fled as I opened the hatch gate, lifted the plant, and took the few, somber steps to the stone. Together Forever, I read. "Mama, Daddy," I cried, as I had so many times before.

 



As I grieved, I stepped behind the stone and discovered that since my last visit,the bronze plaque had been set in place, the honor bestowed Daddy by the Veterans Administration. I pulled out my cell phone and took a picture of it to send to my sister, but it wasn't until after I opened the picture that I saw the rays of sun flooding over the tombstone and into my lens. 



On this beautiful autumn morning, "His glory covered the heavens and his praise filled the earth, His splendor was like the sunrise; rays flashed from his hand, where his power was hidden." (Habakkuk 3:3b,4)

I considered the splendor of the morning and the sun rays that "flash from his hand." I was reminded of his "power"--the power that lifted the very souls from Daddy and Mama's aged bodies; the power that will one day lift those broken bodies out of that grave and transform them into perfect models of their once young, vibrant beings; the power that will bring us all together again; "His divine power" that "has given us everything . . . and has given us his very great and precious promises . . ." (1 Peter 1:4). . .

 

and the power that consoles my grief in order to bring beauty.

Keep talking faith, Kathi!

Notes about the Word  - Part 2
 

My faith has strengthened through reading God’s Word- the Bible. His Word has become very close to me – in my mouth – in my heart. For that reason, I have centered my blog – this journal in which I share some things God is teaching me – on a passage from Romans 10:
 

“The righteousness that is by faith says, ‘The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart; that is the word of faith!’ . . .”
 

In this passage, Paul is explaining how Moses, in the Old Testament, described righteousness that came from the law (I wrote about that in my last posting.) Now, in the New Testament, Paul tells us that righteousness comes by faith in Jesus. He calls it “the word of faith.” And “faith comes from hearing the message . . . through the word of Christ.” The more I read God’s Word, the Bible, the greater my faith becomes. It is near me – in my mouth and in my heart.

Today, as I have my devotion (a bit of time speaking to and listening to God), I speak that Word:

 “Set a guard over my mouth, O Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3)

“Above all else, I guard my heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

Even as I write this, I am interrupted by the phone – I am reminded of troubles - fear comes to me – I feel anxiety creeping into my heart – I speak words of doubt. Then I remember today’s devotion I have just read from Pursuit of His Presence. Gloria writes: “Did you know that the devil can’t do anything to you if you won’t give him any place? That’s right. If you won’t speak words of doubt and unbelief, but instead speak words of faith, he can’t sustain his attack . . . keep talking faith . . .”

“The word is near me; that word of faith is in my mouth and in my heart.”

These days, I must constantly remember to keep talking faith!

A long time ago . . .

Notes about the Word  - Part 1

Before Jesus, people had to live “under the law.” What a challenge that must have been! Sacrifices, strict laws to follow, . . .

After Jesus – and because of Jesus ( because of his sacrifice), we now can be righteous. What? I can be righteous? Yes, I am made righteous – not because of what I have done or what I do, but because of my faith in the one who became the final sacrifice – Jesus Christ!

This is the “righteousness that is by faith,” that we read about in Romans, chapter 10, as well as in many other places in the Bible. And this righteousness says (yes, it speaks!) “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart.”

Let’s break that down into two parts (the teacher  in me is coming out): 1) The word is “in your mouth.” That’s speaking – that’s confessing that Jesus is Lord! (Romans 10:9)

2) The word is “in your heart.” That’s believing – believing “in your heart that God raised him from the dead . . .” (Romans 10:9)

And then what happens??? “It is with your heart that you believe and are justified “- that means He took my place – He covered it all – He made things right between me and Almighty God!!!    “ . . . and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.” (You can find this and more! in Romans, Chapter 10.)

Wow!!!

Friends, if you haven’t yet believed and confessed, do so now! (It's your prayer to the Lord God.) The word is near you!!!

(Look for Notes about the Word - Part 2)